Getting older can present us with a number of challenges, but ageing comes with rewards too. Unlike the body, the mind (while it's still sound) is capable of taking on more from age thirty and beyond. In fact, its depth increases as we continue to feed it and experience more from life.
Yesterday, May 19th was my birthday and Iām still having all the feels about how it went. Happy, Grateful, Blessed, Fulfilled, Relieved kind of sum up how I feel.
When I first started thinking about my birthday this year, I wasnāt sure what to do. I wanted something memorable but also not too expensive (thatās relative, you know). But between investing and running a home, I hadnāt exactly put enough aside to āsplurgeā on a birthday.
I thought of going for a solo trip, and life quickly reminded me that I still have a son I havenāt weaned. Even though his dad is well capable of handling him when Iām away, we currently donāt have a live-in nanny, so being away on a weekday was not the most optimal idea. Besides a part of me really wanted to be with them, so I decided to make do with what I could now. That said, as soon as I wean, that solo trip is definitely happening (I mean, a girl can plan right?!)
Anyhoo, birthdays are a really good time to reflect and re-evaluate.
This year, I found myself doing a lot more reflection than re-evaluation. So I thought Iād share 3 key lessons from the big 30.
1. On Growth
You know what I love the most about birthdays as an adult. The chance to see how much youāve grown. Emotionally, Spiritually, Financially, and sometimes Physically.
As human beings, we can be pretty hard on ourselves wondering if weāve really grown or made progress. Our self-imposed timelines can be very delimiting and sometimes make us feel like we havenāt made any progress. But thatās not true.
In my opinion, I think growth is one of the key things God wants us to learn about our lives on earth. I mean, no wonder no one is born an adult. Growing, becoming, evolving is all part of Godās grand plan to help us stay grounded and thankful. Per your so-called timeline, you might think you arenāt where you want to be, but thinking about the past helps see you arenāt where you used to be.
A good friend and I were talking a couple weeks ago about financial growth. He was reflecting and said āI canāt believe what I pay as tithe now is what used to be my salary some years agoā.
Let me put that into context.
My first job as an intern paid me ā¦15,000. Two years after, my monthly salary was around ā¦150,000. At that time, I had friends who were earning more than ā¦150,000. I could have been stuck in a rut thinking about how āthings werenāt workingā. But in every sense of it, I had grown. In 2 years, my monthly tithe had become what used to be my monthly salary.
You know, what I even realize now is that we donāt have to wait till our birthdays to celebrate ourselves or reflect on how much growth weāve made. This is why itās important to take stock of our lives from time to time.
Make time to say to yourself: Iām doing well.
2. On Birthday Depression
What I hate the most about birthdays is the sheer sadness that could come with it.
Iām not sure what exactly constitutes this sadness. Maybe itās the fact that our birthdays remind us that weāre āageingā, something that can be scary and completely out of our control.
Sometimes itās before the birthday, other times itās after. Whatever the case, youāre not alone.
When I didnāt know what to do for this yearās birthday, I just felt like hiding and not doing anything. Thinking about it and not being able to come up with anything fancy at the time somewhat made me sad. When I decided to do something, that sadness slowly disappeared.
At the beginning of the month, I decided I was going to take the day off, actually two days. In retrospect, I realise taking yesterday and today off work really helped me to be present and enjoy all the birthday festivities. Besides who doesnāt need rest from work sometimes.
Not doing anything has a way of making you wait on everyone else but you. And with the kind of access we now have to other peopleās lives through social media, you could easily lose your joy thinking that you have nothing to celebrate or that someone is ābetter than youā. Bloody lie!
Iām not saying you have to do a photoshoot or take a trip or throw a party to celebrate your birthday. Just make every moment count in your own way. Life goes by faster than we think and everyday is an opportunity to live it to the fullest.
You deserve to be happy, so put yourself first and put efforts into keeping your joy.
P.S: If you typically experience birthday depression, please donāt feel ashamed or alone. If this leads to extreme sadness, anxiety or isolation, you may want to seek for help by consulting a mental health professional.
3. On Love And Friendships
Thereās something truly special about having people show you a lot of love and affection on your birthday. It is oddly satisfying.
Since April, my friends had been bugging and asking what birthday plans were. My clueless self told them how I wasnāt feeling the whole thing and didnāt have the funds to do anything per se.
They reminded me of the need to celebrate in several ways. My sister (who is also a dear friend) recounted a list of things to be grateful for. A friend sent me some money, another recommended the photographer, make-up artist, and even clothes. She didnāt stop there, she followed up almost every week so much so I couldnāt bail out.
I also did something Iād normally wouldāt do. I drew up a birthday wishlist and sent to 10 of my closest friends. In a funny way, they all found a way to make up for almost everything on the list. That made me really happy.
What am I saying. Surround yourself with amazing people?
Nope, not just that. Be an amazing person. Because the reason why people show up and show out for you on your birthday is not simply because of you, itās also about how youāve made them feel even before now.
Birthdays are truly important because they give everyone a day to feel special and see how much those around them love them. So, be that loving friend and make someone feel special.
Make every moment count!
Over the past 2 days, 100+ people signed up to this newsletter. Not sure how/where you found out about me, but I couldnāt have asked for a better birthday gift. So thank you for signing up.
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Well done ore mi. Whatās weird is all the other years learning to me turning 30 soon I had birthday depression. But this one is one I am so looking forward to.
Weird coming from me because Iām not a ābirthdayā person.
I know this is a mindset shift. Some work happened within me and I found that just yesterday I realised I had not gone on a āsolo dateā in my entire life.
Someone who is about to turn 30.
I will say I am in my thriving years and itās beautiful.
I put on my calendar my solo date. Next up solo movie date.
So this is me saying thank you for saying ābe an amazing personā.
More in-depth Be a person of love (from the famous 1 Corinthians 13). Which we all know but donāt imbibe.
Shalom saints
Thank you for sharing Wamide!
I felt I was the only person who experienced Birthday depression. Glad to know I'm not so weird.
Happy belated birthday to you!!
One key thing I've learned today is "be an amazing person"!