#40: How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself
in five proven steps..
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Do you ever second-guess yourself?
That constant hesitation, the crippling self doubt, and the nagging voice wondering if you’ll make it, if you’re enough, or if you deserve to take up space in that job, opportunity, relationship, friendship, etc. ?
I do did.
Considering that I’m generally a confident person, it felt a bit odd to come to terms with this fog in my mind. But I knew something was off—an inner questioning, and that feeling of “am I truly enough” creeping in as imposter syndrome.
It worsened over the past couple of weeks.
It was unlike anything I had experienced before. My usual coping mechanisms—going out, watching a movie, even meditating—proved ineffective. It just didn’t go away.
Until I talked it through with a professional therapist. Yes, I finally had therapy.
And it took a long conversation with a professional to come to terms with my feelings and confront my emotions. I realized that, in my pursuit of self-assurance, I was prioritizing my outward appearance of confidence over my inner happiness. Moreso, second-guessing myself was literally holding me back from being my best self.
5 Ways to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself
If you ever find yourself second-guessing yourself at any time, here are my five proven tips to navigate through it:
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings
Some people say a certain level of self-doubt can be beneficial in pushing us to work harder. But you’ll agree that even when we find ourselves in the moments we’ve hoped/prayed for, we can still question our abilities and strengths.
The first step to overcoming self doubt is acknowledging that it exists. You might not be able to figure out why just yet, but start with accepting that you’re second-guessing, overthinking or experiencing some form of self-doubt about that situation. And if you feel like you don’t even know what you’re doing, here are some tips on how to reframe your mindset to recognize your true emotions.
Step 2: Stop Being Scared of Failure
Welcome! You’ve finally accepted that you’re a self doubting Thomas. Now, let’s get comfortable with the fear of failure.
Trust me, you’re not alone.
This year, I’m embarking on projects and initiatives I’ve never done before and it sometimes scares me. What if it fails? What if it doesn’t work? Maybe I shouldn’t bother. What if they say no?
Why? My fragile ego only wants to be loved and accepted, wants to be in control of most outcomes and the fear of yet another rejection scares me.
In a span of two months, I’ve gotten 2 rejections that really broke me. But I’m still here. Growing and learning through these rejections/failures/negative feedback.
Accepting that rejection is part of growth will help change your perspective on how you see failures. Whether it's a job application, a partnership proposal, your writing, or a scholarship application, understand that rejection doesn't define your worth. That’s why aiming for 100 rejections per year can be liberating, it’ll free you more than you think it would (thanks Kim Liao).
Step 3: Take Baby Steps
When faced with overwhelming self-doubt, it's easy to become paralyzed by the enormity of the task or decision at hand. That's where the power of taking baby steps comes in.
Instead of trying to tackle everything all at once, break down your goal or challenge into smaller, more manageable tasks. This not only makes the process less intimidating but also allows you to build momentum and confidence as you progress.
For example, if you're feeling uncertain about starting a new project, begin by outlining a rough plan or setting small, achievable milestones. Celebrate each milestone you reach, no matter how small, as it signifies progress and moves you closer to your end goal.
Do you need to learn a skill for a new career path, create a realistic learning plan and follow through. It’s okay if you make it on some days and don’t, you’re not a failure. Find accountability partners if it’ll help, just take small steps towards your desired life.
Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are our greatest achievements. By taking small, consistent actions towards your goals, you'll soon realize that progress is possible, even in the face of doubt and uncertainty.
Step 4: Find your Little Anchors
In the fuss of constant hustle and aspirations for greatness, it's easy to overlook the countless small blessings and million little miracles that surround us.
Discovering your little anchors can serve as a lifeline in navigating through moments of self-doubt and incessant overthinking. These anchors represent the simple yet powerful habits or rituals that keep you grounded and steady, even amidst life's uncertainty.
Reflect on what brings you joy, what ignites your passion, and actively pursue those moments. Whether it's journaling, practicing mindfulness, establishing a routine, being with friends/family, playing in the rain, gardening, asking for feedback, or cultivating gratitude; these small yet impactful habits can anchor you in moments of uncertainty and doubt.
Step 5: Talk to a Professional
My biggest takeaway from the conversation with my therapist was that our expectations can largely blur our efforts, and I couldn’t agree more.
Sometimes, all it takes is seeking guidance from an expert—a coach, mentor, trusted confidant, ally, or even a therapist—to move from where you are right now to where you need to be.
In my pursuit of "conquering the world," I had overlooked the profound impact I was already making in my own sphere. I had underestimated my strengths, my wins, and lost sight of my purpose, succumbing instead to fear of the unknown and uncertainty about the outcomes of my big dreams.
While I may not have all the answers or solutions to the weighty ideas that occupy my mind, I know it’ll come together in due time.
And if it doesn't, that's perfectly alright too.
After all in the words of my amazing friend,
Know that you cannot outdo history.
Let’s Grow Together!
See articles mentioned in this post (in no particular order):